I’ve never reblogged an old post before, but this one went out on December 19th last year, when precisely 2 people were still reading blogs, and precisely everyone was already sick of Christmas.
This year however, I’d like to reach out to some newer readers, with my Ode to the Misery of an Irish Christmas (while I continue bashing away at my 50,000 word target for NaNoWriMo). Enjoy it at your own peril.
I was half way down a bottle – sorry; er, glass of port the other day, when it occurred to me that nothing sells like an Irish writer’s horrible Christmas. The bleaker the better. These are not “but we were happy” stories; these are stories where nobody is safe. Endings are sour. And nostalgia exists merely to be rammed down the throat of the youth of today, who will never how good they have it.
So here are my 5 Most Miserable Literary Irish Christmasses Of All Time, in descending order of dismay. Please raise your glass, and stifle the world’s smallest digital orchestras, for Seasonal Suffering, for Negative Noël, for December Distress…
5. George Bernard Shaw’s take on the season
To kick us off, we have a quote from the mighty G.B. Shaw regarding Christmas, as cheerless as any tale, although it goes to show that attitudes haven’t changed either since the 1800s. In the grand…
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Tara Sparling writes 
I detest Christmas and I do not thank you for reminding me of it with five weeks still to go. With any luck I’ll spend it in Jeddah, where it will pass almost unnoticed. And if anyone says, “Happy Holidays” instead of “Happy Christmas” I’ll gob them.
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I most humbly apologise, John… I really didn’t wish to offend. But it was just that having been bombarded in every shop and on every street and on every TV channel with Christmas decorations and music ads for the past 2 weeks, I found myself in despair, and I was determined to drag you all down with me.
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I know. I’m bloody well sick of it.
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The Holidays are so raw and painful that when New Years rolls around, we’re ready for redemption in whatever form it takes! Slainte, Tara!
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Yeah. Make mine a Jameson. No, no, a double. Or maybe even…Listen, just give me the damn bottle. Okay?
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I concur. Although there will be no redemption. There will only be booze.
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Xmas seems to have started at Hallowe’en this year >< Although this may be accentuated by our splashing out and getting the satellite movie channels back (no on demand for us with our lousy Cornish 'broadband') – they're showing Xmas movies on the family slots as well as the Xmas channel. And Channel 5 are showing 'seasonal' films on weekend afternoons (what happened to your Cowboy film slot!).
Anyway – thanks for the laugh Tara 😉
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Yes indeed, the movie channels have gone berserk on the Xmas overload, haven’t they?! It’s the first time I’ve noticed it. We need to start blanket-trolling all the premature Christmassers. Anyone seen celebrating it before Hallowe’en in particular will be forced to learn all the tweets of reality stars and sing them to nursery rhyme tunes on a TV talent show.
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Patent that show idea immediately. It could be mega.
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I liked it last year and I’m liking it again! Don’t you just love GBS? A pillar of greasy sausages… only he could say that!
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He had far too excellent a turn of phrase to make a truly satisfactory curmudgeon, though. He’s like a grumpy teddy bear. Reminds me of Vin B.
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I truly like these Five Most Miserable Literary Irish Christmasses Of All Time… Great overviews and I much enjoyed the sarcastic winks (As they clearly they intended to be so, right!?) 😉 Toast to all of them. Happy New year 2015 and all the best to you during this year.
Aquileana 😀
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Thank you Aquileana! You’re right, there is a healthy dollop of sarcasm hanging about the blog in general, although I often try to pass it off as wit… Toast right back to you. I do so love toast. Happy New Year to you and a happy and healthy 2015 hopefully at full steam ahead!
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