Writer’s Arse, And Other Ailments

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The gurus over at Writing.ie have published another article I wrote today. A sort of confessional piece. I talk about the terrible afflictions which writers suffer, and how I suffer in particular (from being terribly afflicted).

Some non-writers will be sceptical about this. That’s fine. They can go around sympathising with whichever they believe to be loftier, global concerns. But writers will know. Oh, how they will know.

Over on Writing.ie it’s called “Writer’s Twitch, And Other Illnesses”. I really wanted to call it Writer’s Arse, because let’s face it, it’s our arses which can be most bothersome. But I thought it would be better to keep things a bit less crude over on Writing.ie, in case anyone wanted to take me seriously. It does happen sometimes.

You can read the article through this link here. In the meantime, I’m off for a long bath, and a good cry.

You said WHAT in a headline???

You said WHAT in a headline???

  22 comments for “Writer’s Arse, And Other Ailments

  1. davidpenny13
    August 7, 2014 at 10:36 am

    Writer’s arse, yes… I even went out and bought a desk that winds up and down so I could write standing up. But I’m too lazy to wind it all the way up – or I think I’ll just finish this paragraph, this scene, this chapter… ooh look, another one, and I know just how to start…


    • August 7, 2014 at 10:44 am

      I don’t even have a windyup desk for my day job. I’m double whammied, no matter how much complaining I do. Imagine the state of me. I am truly impressed at your writing imperative though. A tad envious, but truly impressed 😉


  2. August 7, 2014 at 3:16 pm



    • August 7, 2014 at 4:04 pm

      Truly? Tell me – if your writer’s arse has now indeed been laughed off – is it a relief to have it gone… or the ruination of all your pants?


      • August 12, 2014 at 5:16 pm

        It never goes away for very long – in fact I took it to the Terry Pratchett/Discworld convention in Manchester this weekend and it had a lovely time getting laughed off on almost an hourly basis… 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  3. August 8, 2014 at 8:15 pm

    Reblogged this on theowlladyblog.


  4. August 8, 2014 at 8:26 pm

    Did you know that over here if a writer murders one of her children for interrupting her for the umpteenth time with some footling question like: Are we having supper today, or what? she can plead crime passionelle and get away with it?


    • August 8, 2014 at 8:53 pm

      I must admit, I did not know that.

      And – I’m not saying I’m not glad I know it now – but it would have been a hell of a lot more useful if you could have told me that before the police were here.


      • August 8, 2014 at 9:02 pm

        I hope you get an understanding judge. One with loads of kids 🙂


  5. August 9, 2014 at 12:26 pm

    Isn’t it wonderful to know that I’m not the only one who has all these complaints. All of them. And people said I was a drama queen. How unfair is that??? I’m a martyr to my arse.


    • August 9, 2014 at 1:36 pm

      Elaine, I will give you the ONE MILLION DOLLARS I do not have if you will contract to have “I’m a martyr to my arse” put on your tombstone.


      • August 9, 2014 at 1:49 pm

        Done…can I have it in advance? At least, the IOU, in case Warner Brothers, sorry, Sony Entertainment, decided to buy the movie rights to your piece…


        • August 9, 2014 at 2:01 pm

          Sure! Here [—-] is the $1m I don’t have, and here is the IOU:

          As soon as the Universal Sony trailer for Arse Of The Writer comes out
          [In a world…. where arses know no peace… where writers can neither stand nor sit… one woman…. dares to lie down],
          you will have my solemn promise that I will once again deliver the $1m I do not have.


          • August 9, 2014 at 2:05 pm

            I’m not sure Arse of the Writer really probes the depth of the pain we feel. I think we need something with a bit more zeitgeist, something that, going forward, feeds into our target market both upstream and downstream. How about Martyrs of the Arse?


            • August 9, 2014 at 2:07 pm

              Oh, an Epic! You should have told me you wanted an epic. But of course. I could totally do Martyrs Of The Arse. You take the first 132 pages, and I’ll do the scene with the gondola cannonfire.


              • August 9, 2014 at 2:15 pm

                The one where the gondolier is singing arsole mio?


                • August 9, 2014 at 2:23 pm

                  BOOOM!!! Pun of the month my friend… Feck it, for that, here – have another $1m I do not have 😀


                  • August 9, 2014 at 2:25 pm

                    I shall run outside and throw it all in the air in joy and jubilation – if I can get off my arse, that is.


                    • August 9, 2014 at 2:29 pm

                      Every silver lining has a cloudy arse. I know.


  6. August 12, 2014 at 1:44 pm

    Reblogged this on and commented:
    Writerly Rant #46
    (A published piece)

    Tara has, quite simply, done it again. The linked article is a MUST read for any writer with a sense of humour. Her biting wit and fresh look at the obvious will at least have you crack a smile if not chuckle outright like I did.

    Check it out – It’s well worth the read.


    • August 12, 2014 at 3:59 pm

      Ah, now, MJ. You’re far, far too kind. I’m going to forget my daily drudge if you keep making comments like that. And where will my sense of humour be, if I ever get happy?


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