2015 Book Trends Review

And so we come to the hours-old grand annual tradition, in which I review the year ahead in January, in order to save time at the end of the year, when I will be extremely busy with things I haven’t made up yet.

They are here, Ladies and Gentlesirs: I now give you my review of 2015. Just wait ’til you see the marvellous booky happenings during a year which – I think you’ll agree – contained more than one shockingly startling surprise.

2015 Book Trends Review

Just look at the size of her computer! It’s 2015, love, not 1985. Ask Marty McFly

2015: The Year Trends Were (Mostly) Bucked

January: Following a widely-publicised study showing that 98.5% of self-improvement books sold in January are never read past page 5 (and never opened after January 10th), sales of books concerning sugar-free diets, fitness, mindfulness, positive thinking, career development and money management collapsed. Publishers cried.

February: The film of Fifty Shades of Grey came out. Nobody talked about anything else. There is no point in even attempting to construct a joke around this. It was painful. On a brighter note, the film didn’t do half as well as the media had expected, making it highly unlikely that a sequel was in the pipeline.

March: James Patterson achieved a new personal record with the publication of 17 books in the first week of March alone. Each of his 25 co-writers said that they were thrilled to have had the chance to collaborate with such a great writer, and eagerly awaited further 6-word synopses from Patterson in order to churn out even more bestsellers.

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April: In a shock knee-jerk reaction to the Fifty Shades revival in February, so-called “chastity lit” – a new genre featuring average-looking people who decide not to have sex – hit the big time. Josephine Bonapartti, author of Not Tonight, Darling, capitalised beautifully with a range of aprons and tea-towels featuring her signature headache tablets.

May: Society changed forever when, to the delight of many, Kim Kardashian’s book of selfies failed to come within an ass’s roar of the list of Top 100 Bestsellers. The #Selfie was officially declared dead, and 1 billion people under the age of 25 suddenly found themselves with nothing to do on nights out.

Panic ensued until Winston Smythe, an enterprising 22-year-old from Sheffield, re-introduced a lost art, known as ‘conversation’, with a mildly amusing story about his dyslexic Granny.

Exclusive nightclubs caused a sensation by turning the music down, thereby allowing people to speak to one another. Socialites across the world were soon attempting to outdo each other with witty aphorisms, most of which they found on Twitter. However, by the end of the month, conversation had once again died as people spent all their time in nightclubs scrolling through Twitter looking for something new to say. The music was turned back up again.

2015 Book Trends ReviewJune and July: The biggest bestseller of 2015, The Fault In Our Twilight Games, hit the 1 million unit sales mark on June 23rd. Although denounced by one respected critic as “a derivative, barely re-hashed copy of every other young adult bestseller, showing a distinct lack of imagination, and the cynical manipulation of yet another female protagonist towards an ultimately violent fate”, nothing was able to halt its success.

August: The surprise summer hit of 2015 was talking animal sensation, The Pound. This shaggy dog story, of how Perry (a 3-year-old terrier cross), Daniel (a spaniel) and Rover (a labradoodle) become social media celebrities before finding themselves embroiled in an anthropomorphic tax scandal which destroys the UK economy, was deemed to have reached peak popularity when a picture appeared on Instagram of Barack Obama autographing his copy for Vladimir Putin.

2015 Book Trends Review

September: The Internet was deemed to have finally eaten itself following the release of a popular e-book about an author writing a book about his pretend life on social media.

The marketing campaign, which involved the release of tweets and Facebook status updates about fake tweets and fake status updates, caused pandemonium. One young woman interviewed on the evening news was heard to sob: “I don’t know what’s real anymore. I mean, it was hard before. But now it’s bloody impossible.”

October: October saw the biography turned on its head, as publishers attempted to halt a nosedive in sales by releasing celebrity autobiographies written by other celebrities. Top of the heap were Twerking With Miley Cyrus by Sinead O’Connor; The Fast Truth Of Usain Bolt by Lance Armstrong, and It’s Been A While: In Bed With Kim Jong Un, by Salman Rushdie.

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November and December: The surprise Christmas hit of the year was Five Stars, My Arse! The Top Reviews of 2015, published by Amazon – memorably described on the cover as “A collection of Amazon Top Reviewers’ reviews of other reviewers’ reviews”. (Should I say that again?)

The ensuing reviews of this book, again on Amazon, finally broke the Internet.

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That’s it for another year, folks. We’ll go back to this once again next December to see what hit or missed. In the meantime, I’m off to cry into my January-sodden kale yoghurt.

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  46 comments for “2015 Book Trends Review

  1. Elizabeth Bailey
    January 6, 2015 at 12:18 pm

    Specially loved The Fault in our Twilight Games, which should, I think, spawn a plethora of similarly cross-hatched titles across all genres. Thanks for the first good laugh of 2015!

    Liked by 4 people

    • January 6, 2015 at 1:52 pm

      That one was my favorite too. Yes, thanks for the laugh! 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      • January 6, 2015 at 2:01 pm

        Oh, anything I can do to help in the dark small hours of the year. Thank you both 😉

        Like

  2. January 6, 2015 at 1:34 pm

    Thank you. I needed this to stop taking myself so seriously, a flaw I tend to have when the year turns. I feel much better now!

    Like

    • January 6, 2015 at 2:02 pm

      Seems my work here is done! Wish I could toddle off on a 360-day holiday now…

      Liked by 1 person

  3. January 6, 2015 at 1:58 pm

    I’ll buy the book of Amazon reviews–don’t care what it costs.

    Like

    • January 6, 2015 at 2:07 pm

      Super. Can you do a bank draft for 2.5 mill? That ought to cover it. Make it out to me, I’ll make sure they get it, eventually [see below for holiday plans] 😉

      Like

  4. January 6, 2015 at 2:29 pm

    Your March and April were particularly awesome. I will await the trickle-down of “chastity lit” to see if it impacts hip-hop and cable TV! But of course November and December were perfect, as just yesterday I read another Facebook thread in which writers debated whether or not to swap reviews while opining, “just how DO so many self-pubbed writers get 180 5-star reviews in their first month?” I’ll now be able to able to direct them to the future hit of the year!

    You’re hilarious!

    Liked by 1 person

    • January 6, 2015 at 4:34 pm

      I’m not sure if the purveyors of Chastity-Lit would appreciate the use of ‘trickle-down’, Lorraine, but I’m sure once the money rolls in, they’ll get over it 😉

      Like

  5. January 6, 2015 at 4:51 pm

    luahgin 2 mcuh 2 tpye…llo

    Liked by 3 people

  6. carolannwrites
    January 6, 2015 at 9:27 pm

    Everyone’s posting about their January blues and then you post THIS! Can’t stop laughing but when I do I will share it around to cheer them all up!

    Like

    • January 6, 2015 at 10:15 pm

      Thanks, Carolann – sharing is caring! It would appear that like many Irish people, I only need a healthy dose of the blues (and a cold) to find some mirth. Although having said that, there wasn’t much mirth to be had this week in the world of finance, so here’s to other outlets 😉

      Like

  7. January 6, 2015 at 10:06 pm

    Love the appropriate / inappropriate use of “ass’s roar”.

    Like

    • January 6, 2015 at 10:16 pm

      I admit I debated about that one a bit, Conor. However, I now feel entirely vindicated. Thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. January 6, 2015 at 10:23 pm

    Chastity lit?????!! That is sheer genius. No more writhing in embarrassment for me as I toil over the breathless grappling of my heaving lovers in chapter 6 (it’s always chapter 6) . In fact, no more writhing. Just a bit of heavy breathing for Rock and Idaho and some very expressive ellipses…yee har!

    Like

    • January 6, 2015 at 10:29 pm

      Right, that’s it, I’m patenting Chastity Lit immediately. Tell Rock and Idaho’s lawyers to give my butler a call. She’s dynamite on ellipses contracts. I won’t even tell you what she can do with Chapter 6 clauses.

      Like

  9. January 6, 2015 at 10:32 pm

    Like with Elizabeth, THE FAULT IN OUR TWILIGHT GAMES really made me grin. In fact, your whole post did. I envy you your take on life and your skill in expressing it. This is the clear antidote for all the January Blues Posts. 🙂

    Like

    • January 6, 2015 at 11:59 pm

      That is the kindest thing anyone has ever said to me in January! Please call again 😉

      Like

  10. January 6, 2015 at 11:14 pm

    That’s an awful lot of deeming. I’m quite keen on World Peace via a shaggy dog story – as likely as any other method. Chastity-lit…? I bet something like that does turn up, encouraged by the media who can’t stop themselves playing ping-pong with trends. I’m already looking forward to December.

    Like

    • January 7, 2015 at 12:00 am

      When it all happens exactly as described, I want you to say you heard it here first…

      Like

  11. January 7, 2015 at 12:29 am

    Awesome… 😛
    May is certainly a favorite month among readers!.
    Best wishes, Tara, thanks for sharing, Aquileana 😀

    Like

    • January 7, 2015 at 7:54 am

      Thank you Aquileana. You’ll have to let us know if the Great Conversation Revival of 2015 hits your area 😉

      Like

  12. January 7, 2015 at 2:24 am

    I guess my What-the- tucks trends of green eyes, uber-rich alpha males, body washes that last for hours, hair tucking behind the ears, and other such ubiquitous trends are dying out in 2015. Thanks for the heads-up; I’ll be looking for them. ~nan (aka the pedometer geek)

    Like

    • January 7, 2015 at 7:56 am

      And thank you for stopping by. No reason why you can’t make your own trends stick, Nan. I mean, it’s not like I made these up or anything, but there’s probably room for 1 or 2 more…

      Like

  13. January 7, 2015 at 6:52 am

    I thought Tark and Mara’s trend-setting was pretty awesome, but these are priceless! Finding it hard to choose a favourite between Chastity lit, the James Patterson March deluge and the December Amazon review… not to mention all the others. Brilliant! Have to go and repair my split sides now! 😀

    Like

    • January 7, 2015 at 7:57 am

      Oh dear. Better not go to the hospital with them, Katie, I hear they’re pretty crowded around now.

      Like

  14. January 7, 2015 at 8:04 am

    Fantastic! Your foresight is powerful, I can see all of this coming true!
    And you know, I actually hope that some will come true 😉

    Like

    • January 7, 2015 at 10:00 am

      So do I, Jazzfeathers. It would be my dearest wish to be able to report that next December…

      Like

  15. January 7, 2015 at 9:38 am

    October is a real runner… 🙂

    Like

    • January 7, 2015 at 10:01 am

      As long as the North Koreans aren’t reading this blog, Mel!

      Like

  16. January 7, 2015 at 10:47 am

    Brilliant Tara, I was reading June and July and thought to myself this is as good as Jane Austen. I’ve just reread Northanger Abbey and yes, that pointing of fun at other authors and at current trends – love the chastity lit in particular.

    Like

    • January 7, 2015 at 2:11 pm

      Thanks, Lorna! The chastity lit does indeed seem to be very popular. I wonder how long it’ll take for us to make it a #thing ?!

      Like

  17. January 8, 2015 at 12:33 am

    Reblogged this on theowlladyblog.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. January 8, 2015 at 8:58 pm

    Ah, Kim Kardashian always makes into the 2014 posts in some way or another 🙂

    Like

    • January 9, 2015 at 12:27 am

      I’d accuse myself of clickbait, Christy, if it wasn’t for the fact that it was one of those truth-stranger-than-fiction things in life. I had thought that the idea of a book of selfies was the most ridiculous thing I’d ever dreamed up… until I found out it was actually a real life thing. That yer wan (as we call people like that in Ireland) had done it already. I was disgusted. This was the only way to get over it 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  19. January 9, 2015 at 6:12 pm

    It would be hilarious was it not so near what is likely to happen. Ha ha ha.

    Like

    • January 10, 2015 at 4:44 pm

      Let’s hope that by calling it out, I’ve done something to the time-space continuum, meaning it now can not happen (or something like that!!). We can only live in hope…

      Like

  20. January 12, 2015 at 7:57 pm

    Ah, James Patterson (frozen smile).
    That’s it. That’s all I got. People seem to love him (and his 500 co-writers), so that’s all I’ve got to say when someone brings him up in conversation. I’m awfully polite that way, don’t you think? Now, a friendly wager. I bet 20 bucks (US) that all your predictions come true.

    Like

    • January 12, 2015 at 9:35 pm

      You’re on, Naptime. But what a bittersweet victory for me, eh? If I collect, it means I have to admit I was wrong about something, which I NEVER do. So I’ll have to find some sort of quantum physical way of being right and wrong at the same time. Great. Now I have a headache…

      Like

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