Child’s Play: 5 Ways To De-Stress Adults And Make Tons Of Money

Embed from Getty Images

This week’s post is brought to you by the letters “WTF” and the news that 5 out of the current Top Ten Amazon bestsellers are colouring books… for adults.

Now, I’ve nothing against colouring books for adults: in fact, I think they’re a bloody marvellous idea. I first heard of them when I came across an article about intricate colouring books as a form of mindfulness therapy. Fantastic, says I to meself: I’m going to get me some of those, just as soon as I stop panicking about important stuff such as squeaky shoes, and dying batteries.

No, the “WTF” part is purely because if so many people are buying these colouring books that they now form 50% of the Amazon Top Ten, I’m wondering what other tricks we’re missing.

Remember when the Harry Potter books were rebranded in adult book jackets, to save grown-up blushes on the train to work? There is a whole market out there for adult kidstuff. And it’s time it was properly opened up.

So with that in mind, here are 5 childish things which could be redesigned for adults, in order to de-stress our lives.

1. Professional Doll’s Houses

As a child, with our Barbies and Action Men, we played at being anorexic fashion victims and warmongers. Good times! Now that you’re an adult, don’t underestimate the value of role-play. All you need is a doll’s house which is a little more specialised.

Just think of the fun you can have with your Doll’s Office/Factory/Courtroom! Easily customisable to your own place of work, through any number of the 16,000 available miniature accessories, and the scene is set. Throw backstabber Bob under his own forklift! Hang evil Steve from the industrial ceiling by his tie! Smile, as horrible Milendra receives her second written warning from HR! Marvel, as Doll You makes smithereens of the terminally incompetent Boss Doll! Hurrah!

… and that’s a good night’s sleep for everyone. You can thank me later.

Child's Play: 5 Ways to De-Stress Adults And Make Tons Of Money

The full set can be yours for the bargain price of $199.99

2. DARK SIDE Fun Rainbow Crayons ™

It is an undisputed fact that nothing can ever be taken seriously if written in crayon. Adults therefore can engage in the ultimate stress relief, by writing down their greatest fears – and their very worst thoughts – in crayon.

This special edition comes complete with introductory Beige, Grey and Pastel colours, for those adults not yet ready to write “EVERYTHING IS HOPELESS” in shades of valentine red, kryptonite green and headachey yellow.

Child's Play: 5 Ways to De-Stress Adults And Make Tons Of Money

A Lego House, made from Lego (lego.com) (ref: Lego)

3. YourHome Lego ™

Special customised Lego kits, filled-to-order based on the size and colour of your own house. Allows adults to rebuild their own houses, brick by brick, thereby feeling like they have more invested in their homes than negative equity and a grim future.

A therapeutic process, which also provides life affirmation through the inevitable Instagramming and Pinteresting of every single step of the build.

4. Everything’s OK Dough™

Now, there’s nothing wrong with normal playdough. It’s easy to see how adults would get a kick out of making whatever they wanted out of it, be that a voodoo doll, stress ball, or life-sized sheep. Ordinary kid’s stuff might suffice, but we wouldn’t make any money out of that. So we’re going to bring out a new range of light-reflecting playdough in the nuanced shades of the Farrow & Ball paint colour card (which will therefore be subject to seasonal change, thereby increasing sales. Yay!).

Child's Play: 5 Ways To De-Stress Adults And Make Tons Of Money

Everything’s OK Dough is toxic, and therefore not suitable for children, but it’s beautiful, so who cares?

Again, there will be a rash of Instagram posts as people pretend that it only took them 30 minutes to make that near-perfect replica of a Bonsai Tree. And, even though it actually took them 5 hours every night for a whole week to make, they forgot all their troubles while doing it… so everybody wins.

5. Manicure-Friendly Finger Paints

Whoever invented the paintbrush was the greatest killjoy ever to grace adulthood. There is nothing better than mixing things with your hands, be that a cake; sausage stuffing; soil in your garden; or good old dollops of blue and yellow.

Anxious? Streak that red right through the purple. Sad? Liven up that murky green with a massive squeeze of white from the tube and get to work. And we’ll make besquillions by selling acrylic finger paints which are both textured, and guaranteed not to ruin your expensive acrylic manicure.

******

So, there you have it, folks. An accessible alternative to expensive therapy. ™

What would you like to come back from your childhood, to soothe your troubled and jaded mind?

* Note on Trademarks ™: I’m kidding. None of this stuff is trademarked, to my knowledge. But it should be, right?

Embed from Getty Images
Advertisements

  49 comments for “Child’s Play: 5 Ways To De-Stress Adults And Make Tons Of Money

  1. April 8, 2015 at 9:12 am

    The professional doll’s house is invoking ideas for a doll’s house cafe, probably in Shoreditch, where hipsters can queue up round the block for a teeny weeny cup of skinny latte (or any coffee for that matter) and muffins so small they’re not spinkled with hundreds and thousands, they’d buy a hundred and thousand spinkled with micromuffins.

    You’re right, anything’s possible if you can find the right market.
    Chris

    Liked by 3 people

    • April 8, 2015 at 9:43 am

      I want it!!! Absolute genius, Chris. It has to be one-of-a-kind, and vintage, obviously. And may I presume it comes with a certificate certifying that I had it first?

      Liked by 1 person

  2. April 8, 2015 at 9:17 am

    Enjoyed the post, and your wicked imagination immensely! But where on earth did you get those awful sickly parent-and-child-having-fun-together pictures??? Ugh! Really?

    Liked by 2 people

    • April 8, 2015 at 9:48 am

      I know, Ali, they’re absolutely brutal. Courtesy of Getty. More cheese than Sheridan’s on National Cheese Day. But I thought all parents looked like that. Are you telling me they’re not REALISTIC?????

      Liked by 2 people

      • April 8, 2015 at 10:28 am

        Lol! I did actually ride on my daugbters diddycar and it really was fun! Talking of Sheridans, they are based just down the road from me, and they do make exceedingly good cheese. And sell equally good wine to go with it. That’s lunch sorted… the only way to get through the loooooong days of school hols! 😂

        Liked by 2 people

        • April 8, 2015 at 11:08 am

          I knew it was you, Ali. I hope Getty paid well for the photoshoot 😉

          Liked by 1 person

          • April 8, 2015 at 11:41 am

            Not me lol! I didnt look quite so glam…

            Liked by 1 person

            • April 8, 2015 at 11:47 am

              It’s okay, Ali. We won’t tell. Even though getting your hair and makeup done for playtime with the kids might seem excessive to some, I think it’s totally worth it.

              Liked by 1 person

  3. April 8, 2015 at 11:07 am

    Me and Jimmy love playing mammies and daddies. He loves to colour me in with his fifty shades of grey crayons.. The durtburd..lol

    Liked by 1 person

    • April 8, 2015 at 11:10 am

      He might be taking that story a bit literally, Bernie Rose Violet. Maybe you should’ve taken him to see the movie?

      Like

  4. April 8, 2015 at 11:36 am

    Spirograph for the stressed. Just twirl that circle around and around, faster and faster … Actually having kids is very handy,I get to watch cartoons,play Lego and colour without excuses-plus there’s the play dough thing-I normally open a new pot and tell the kids it needs to be moulded before they use it cos it’s too hard, hey, gives me a few minutes before they mix up all the colours 😉 Btw, next stop-convincing husband a trampoline would be good for all the family … Muah, ha, ha,ha,ha

    Liked by 1 person

    • April 8, 2015 at 11:49 am

      You’re on the ball. Great ideas. I love the idea of Spirograph – but think of the stress when the wheel veers off course! AAAAGH!!!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. April 8, 2015 at 1:17 pm

    Laughing like a drain…. 😛

    Liked by 1 person

  6. April 8, 2015 at 1:39 pm

    Shut up and take my money already! Me want!

    Like

  7. blimprider
    April 8, 2015 at 2:05 pm

    . . . as everyone begins to realize the truth in the old saying, “You don’t stop playing because you get old. You get old because you stop playing!”

    Liked by 2 people

    • April 8, 2015 at 2:13 pm

      Too right, Jack! And as soon as I’ve trademarked that statement, I’ll be back to you.

      Like

  8. April 8, 2015 at 4:59 pm

    How about a little box with a screen which talks to you and completely absorbs your interest when you want the real world around you to go away. You could have buttons to jab at and have it make funny noises at regular intervals for the seriously disturbed. Oh, wait a moment….

    Like

    • April 8, 2015 at 8:58 pm

      OK, Helen, I see what you mean. There might be one or two of these out there. But what have I been saying? Sure, all you need is a new natty tagline and a colouredy brand and you’re sorted!

      Liked by 1 person

  9. April 8, 2015 at 9:31 pm

    You disappoint me Tara. The first one has already been done. When I look out my Sandyford office window, I see people living in small spaces that look like apartments but have to be too tiny to be the real deal. A friend of mine ‘invested’ in one some years ago. I asked him if it was spacious. He replied “Spacious? You have to go outside if you want to change your mind.”

    Liked by 2 people

    • April 8, 2015 at 10:59 pm

      You’ve seen that episode of Father Ted, right Conor? Where Ted explains perspective to Dougal?

      That said, I hope your friend has a balcony. It’s a real drag having to go all the way outside the building in your underwear when you’re contemplating the blue shirt instead of the pink.

      Liked by 2 people

  10. carolannwrites
    April 9, 2015 at 12:14 pm

    That’s why I teach Junior Infants. I’m actually robbing their toys on a daily basis and calling it research! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • April 9, 2015 at 4:25 pm

      Like taking candy from a baby, eh Carolann? I like your style 😁

      Like

  11. April 9, 2015 at 3:18 pm

    But Tara, darling, this is genius. Of course, the dolls houses are already here. Adults spend fortunes on doing up miniature homes. There are magazines, even.
    I love the clay idea. I don’t think that’s been taken. Bet you could sell that to everyone from Tesco to Ann Summers….

    Liked by 1 person

    • April 9, 2015 at 4:27 pm

      Oh, I don’t mind in the slightest if the products are already out there, Elaine. It’s all in the branding, which in this case means identifying different routes to despair, and offering bogus tailor-made solutions. The possibilities are, I think you’ll agree, endless. Ker-CHING!!

      Like

  12. April 9, 2015 at 6:55 pm

    I’m laughing too much, people near me on the train are moving to other seats! Tara you are a genius, book a slot on dragon’s den ASAP x

    Liked by 1 person

    • April 10, 2015 at 12:29 am

      What, and get ripped apart on TV, purely for mass entertainment??

      No bother atall. I’ll do it for 0.5 mill.

      Like

  13. April 9, 2015 at 7:04 pm

    Commendable work there, Tara. Hide and Seek between management and staff appeals to me just now. Or Hopscotch, with real Scotch.

    Liked by 2 people

    • April 10, 2015 at 12:30 am

      Surely we can think of more damaging games than that, Tenderness? Like Truth Or Dare… Or I dunno, Russian Roulette?

      Liked by 1 person

      • April 10, 2015 at 10:14 am

        No you’re talking. I was going to suggest Spin the Bottle, but that’s they’ve laws against that now. So how about Operation: The Banker’s Edition (anaesthesia free)

        Like

        • April 10, 2015 at 10:58 am

          Even though it’s like turkeys voting for Christmas, I like where you’re going with this, Tenderness. We could stream the audio too and make even more money out of it.

          Liked by 1 person

  14. April 9, 2015 at 8:30 pm

    Toxic playdough Yay! Then we could make a line of Liquorice Allsorts-style sweets and offer them as joke canapés and… I’m still baffled, if adults want a mindless wind-down what happened to Tetris?

    Liked by 2 people

    • blimprider
      April 9, 2015 at 9:44 pm

      What, and be seen using last week’s technology? The horror!

      Liked by 1 person

    • April 10, 2015 at 12:40 am

      Nothing wrong with Tetris, Hilary, it’s just hard to re-brand it. I just love the Allsorts idea. Although I’m not entirely sure about killing all our customers….

      Like

  15. April 10, 2015 at 6:01 pm

    Hmmm, I wonder if I make the illustrations in my next book ‘colourable’, will it turn it into a bestseller? Anything is worth a shot – yes?

    Liked by 1 person

    • April 10, 2015 at 7:04 pm

      I think you’re on to something there, Lorna. For the next generation – the post-colouring generation… the adults for whom colouring is just never enough… next stop, colouring plus WORDS. Throw in a competition for the best caption and colouring of a cow in a field and I think your work is done. 😀

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: