In the second part of ‘what the hell is a book blurb and how am I supposed to write one’, we explore the genres of Crime, Historical Fiction, and Science Fiction/Fantasy. Sort of.
Tag: self-publishing
Probably The Most Disingenuous Blog Post In The World (With 45% Extra Lies)
It’s the time of year when all those involved in sales choose to ignore lovely loyal customers in favour of their shiny new ones. It’s a terrible state of affairs, which is why, in this blogging review of 2015, I have included several scandalous and downright disgusting lies, which only beloved old blog readers will be able to identify. These shocking, vile and unbelievable lies are only a clickbait, sorry, a click away!
The Bestseller Guide To When You Should Publish Your Book
Over the course of the last couple of years spent crunching numbers for this blog, surfing dodgy creative social media and keeping my eyes open (in the darker hours) I’ve come to the conclusion that there are two pieces of advice all authors would do well to live by. The first is to stay far away from tight undergarments. The second is never to…
EL James Murdered Your Children And Stole Your Kidneys
…having insulted your dearly departed mother, and told everyone on Facebook that you love to torture dogs. At least, I think those are her latest crimes. I can’t be sure. There are so many. I love the Guardian. Don’t get me wrong. I embody many of the stereotypical attributes of a Guardian reader, except for…
It’s My Blogiversary, And I’m Having A Tantrum About Greedy Publishers
Today is my 2nd blogiversary. On this day, 2 years ago, I published my first blog post, little knowing how many lives I was going to ruin. (Chiefly mine, because constantly thinking of things to give out about gives me very little time to do anything but eat unhealthy food, and make obscene gestures at…
Authors! Your Free Book Is Worthless
I’ve been wondering about book pricing for a long time. Specifically, whether making your book free makes me bothered about reading it or not. And I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not. Bothered, that is. But before you start weeping and wailing (yes – you in the back, there) this has to be taken in the context of…
Why Your Attention Span Is A Great Excuse For Someone Else’s Failure
I wasn’t well last week, and ended up feeling dreadfully sorry for myself. Now, there’s nothing on earth can feel quite as sorry for itself as an Irish woman, so it can get quite dark. Anyhoo, as I lay prostrate, bemoaning the state of both my health and my immediate prospects, my lamentations eventually began to…
Authors! Your First Chapter Is Killing Your Book
To begin with, let’s make one thing clear: first chapters SUCK. The best first chapters in the world still suck – for writers, that is. The simplistic beauty of killer first lines and blockbuster beginnings, which hook the reader in several different ways, will usually cause their writers to collapse in a puddle of headachey sweat, eyes rolled back,…
The Thin Skin of Self-Publishing
I usually spend January looking for new trends in the book world (or making them up, which is more fun), and I’m seeing an increase in pronouncements about self-publishing online. It’s probably a seasonal thing, as people sketch out their writing goals. But a lot of what I’m seeing lately has been negative, particularly below the line. Last year,…
HELP! EVERYONE IS WRITING A BOOK
Here is a very important quote, which every past, present or future self-published author needs to see: “Times are bad. Children no longer obey their parents, and everyone is writing a book.” (Cicero, c. something BC) Now, here’s the catch. There is no evidence that this quote ever originated from the lofty Ancient Roman philosopher more than…
Tara Sparling writes 