I’ve been doing loads of giving out here, lately. It’s been lovely. Lambasting things like Twitter and terrible book marketing is more fun than reading cartoons whilst sipping champagne through a straw in a giant bathtub full of bubble wrap.
The response has been enlightening, too. I expected lots of giving out in return. People taking offence at my offensiveness. I didn’t get any. Instead, I’ve been seeing an explosion of irony. The sort that Shakespeare invented, and Alanis Morissette didn’t write a song about. Here’s 5 of the best.
Great Weather For Ducks: Or, 5 Reasons The Internet Eats Itself
1. My “15 Reasons Why I Muted You On Twitter” post was retweeted by a big pile of people who, following a mere cursory investigation, appeared to have committed at least 5 of the 15 listed offences and never interacted with me either on either Twitter or this blog.
2. My “What If Authors Behaved In Real Life Like They Behaved Online?” post was “liked” by a couple of worthy folks who had kindly (and unwittingly) provided a good chunk of the material I drew upon for the post in the first place. Needless to say, they didn’t comment.
3. None of the people currently fretting about whether I’m referring to them in the above 2 points are the offenders I was talking about. The culprits are still not reading this, which is also ironic. The circularity of this point is both making my ears hurt, and causing a quantum explosion somewhere.
4. When I was waxing inharmoniously about the plethora of literature festivals currently vying for attention in Dublin, I wasn’t to know I’d end up participating in the one I poked fun at for changing its name in order to keep ahead of the competition, so the joke was on me. Still, chances are the agent I’m meeting in the ILF Dublin’s ‘Date With An Agent’ doesn’t know this, so let’s keep this one under wraps for now.
5. If you write an article giving out yards about Twitter, you expect a massive pile of people will be disgusted with you, and unfollow you on said platform because of it. What actually happens is that a big, big pile of new people follow you instead. #youcannotbeserious
So there you go. I’m still trying to work it all out. Have a seat: this may take me some time.