Tark And Mara Reluctantly Agree To Appear On That Dreadful Blog

Tark and Mara Reluctantly Agree To Appear On That Dreadful Blog

Not as good as Tark and Mara’s Jackson Pollock, but this hangs in NY MOMA nonetheless

“I just don’t see why you even agreed to do it.” Mara’s lower lip – the only noticeably puffy part of her body since 1987 – protruded in annoyance. “She hasn’t treated you well. She hasn’t treated us well. I won’t see you rode roughshod over, Tark, I just won’t. I mean, that’s MY job.”

Tark’s ordinarily demonic eyebrows softened into an expression of benign malevolence. He sighed. “You must see past the superficial snub, my mercurial mayflower. Let her think we’re doing her a favour. We have our own agenda, and that dreadful Spaldling woman is but a means.”

Mara’s bony elbows folded themselves into submission. “I checked, and it’s been over twelve months since we last featured on that humourless, talentless, revenueless blog. And then she just crooks her little finger, and you come running! How am I supposed to see past that?”

“Well, we were lying low of our own accord for some of that time, darling, you must admit. The super-rich have been markedly less funny since Donald Trump.”

Mara examined her freshly gilded fingernails. A lesser observer might have mistaken her body language for nonchalance. Her husband, however, was never less than more, and never more of more than when scheming and plotting, as he was now. 

He was acutely aware of his wife’s discomfort. It was impossible to be anything other than aware of discomfort, where his angular amour was concerned. But the growing backlash against the super-rich had hurt her more than she would admit. She hadn’t taken her Birkin bag outside in three days, and just one week ago, he had caught her hesitating over the online purchase of a $16,000 pair of heelwarmers, knitted from the hair of impoverished toddler orphans.

Tark And Mara Reluctantly Agree To Appear On That Dreadful Blog

He rose from the ornate throne which had once cradled the backside of Nicholas II, the last Tsar of Russia, and crossed the rare Italian marble floor of the atrium in their 12th-storey penthome to where his wife was standing.

“Look at me,” he commanded forcefully, forcing the command rather physically by hooking his right index finger under his wife’s razor-sharp chin. “Have I ever let you down?”

“No,” Mara whispered, her pupils dilating like no other part of her body ever could.

“So think about it. What benefit might guesting on that ridiculous Spurling woman’s blog bring us? Considering that she has sequestered herself out of sight, and most definitively out of mind, in a dank writing-cave somewhere in Siberia? Hmmm?”

“Oh, Tark,” Mara shivered. “You know I go weak at the knees when you utter vague threats. Either tell me, or throw me over the 17th century Ottoman and be done with it.”

“Listen, my lascivious love,” Tark breathed. “She has left her blog, unattended as a newly-passed piece of legislation. I have the PASSWORD. Now think. What does this mean for us?”

Mara’s chest rose and fell, as unaccustomed to the welcome rush of oxygen as it was to calories of any kind. “You don’t mean – surely not – but she would never!”

Tark And Mara Reluctantly Agree To Appear On That Dreadful Blog

Tark grinned smugly, the eyebrows pointing into deliciously right-angled expressions of diabolic intent. “Precisely. You referred to it as a revenueless blog. How many years has she wasted, churning out content for no reward?”

“She’s been heard to say that readers are the only reward.”

“Yes, but she is an imbecile. And therefore, over the next month I am going to turn this waste of social media into one of the most powerful fake news sites in the world.”

“I’m not sure that’s terribly profitable, darling.” Mara’s eyes widened infinitesimally in her version of a raised eyebrow. “The market’s been cornered by Macedonian teenagers, and everyone knows they’ll work for two roubles and a bucket of chicken.”

Tark leaned against the grand piano whose ivories had once been tinkled by none other than Rachmaninov’s most talented third cousin. “Depends on what you define as power. When it comes to fake news, it’s quality, not quantity. I have a very specific campaign in mind.”

“Oh my! You’re enjoying yourself, dragging this all out, aren’t you? Do you want me to beat it out of you?”

Tark’s evil grin grew eviller. “You can do that later. No, my valiantly violent vixen, this campaign is going to have global implications. But by the time I’ve finished, you will be parading through the streets of Dublin with a €40,000 Birkin bag on both arms.”

Mara clapped her hands together in delight. The resulting crack reminded Tark of the sound the young Syrian refugee had made while cleaning the penthouse windows, when he fell off his makeshift scaffolding and fractured his skull on their balcony railing. To his eternal credit, the windows had sparkled.

“I knew it! You’re going to single-handedly rescue public relations for the super-rich! Oh, Tark! I knew you couldn’t keep away from it forever! You’re just too bloody good at it!”

“I am rather,” Tark said smugly. “Granted, some of the groundwork has been laid by others in the past year. But nobody has managed to get anyone to love the super-rich. Respect them, often; admire them, surely. But not love.”

“And that terrible Sparkling woman’s blog is the perfect vehicle! Nobody would ever see it coming from that quarter.”

“Precisely. Let her have her little break. Lord knows the world needs a break from her. It’s time to use this platform for the good of the deserving poor 1%.”

Embed from Getty Images

  25 comments for “Tark And Mara Reluctantly Agree To Appear On That Dreadful Blog

  1. November 2, 2017 at 8:54 am

    Reblogged this on anita dawes and jaye marie.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. November 2, 2017 at 8:56 am

    Oh my, what have you gone and done? Fancy leaving everything you hold dear in the hands of those two… but it should be highly entertaining, as I already love the two of them!

    Liked by 1 person

    • November 2, 2017 at 10:27 am

      They don’t have control of the comments section, though. I might be an imbecile, but I’m not a masochist. 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  3. November 2, 2017 at 9:56 am

    This is my first exposure to this unique couple, and I must say right now I laughed sure, but not exactly eager to see their plans unfold. Maybe being a Colonial takes the edge off this sort of humor, and thinking about the future in general. I’ll come back, but only because it’s YOUR blog, Ms. Sparling- if that’s your real name.

    We’re getting some exposure to the old “Dark Shadows” soap opera on the throwback channels here, and this is somewhat like that. You can’t really understand what they mean to do, you’re vaguely sure you’ve seen this whole routine before, and you’re about 75% sure you don’t want them to fully succeed. But yes, funny in places, and sure glamorous. I mean who wouldn’t want to dress in velvet collars and bite people to get your way?

    Liked by 1 person

    • November 2, 2017 at 10:29 am

      There is something rather vampiric about Mara, Will, yes. But vampires have a reputation for being driven by passion, whereas these two – well, all I can say is that if the world holds a fascination for the super-rich, this pair is exactly what it deserves.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. November 2, 2017 at 11:44 am

    What have you done? What will he do? What will she say? What will we…???? I cannot wait 😱😱😱

    Liked by 2 people

  5. November 2, 2017 at 12:14 pm

    …I knew they were super rich but my god..THEY HAVE A WINDOW CLEANER???? Wait until I tell himself

    Liked by 3 people

    • November 2, 2017 at 12:35 pm

      🙂 🙂 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • November 2, 2017 at 1:21 pm

      So you spotted that, did you Trish? Yes. Actually, they have several. But only because by the time they’re nearing the end of the window cleaning, someone else needs to begin again. Very considerate of them, really…

      Liked by 2 people

  6. November 2, 2017 at 1:33 pm

    I never realised I missed them until now! 😛 But the stupidly rich and inconceivably famous always give endless mileage for fascination, appalled or otherwise… I look forward to seeing how Tark’s fake news channel pans out – will Mara have a trending fashion tip desk too? 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • November 2, 2017 at 8:28 pm

      Well, as we all know, Jan, there’s nothing fake about fashion, so I really doubt it. As for the rest, I’m sure it’ll be faketastic.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. November 2, 2017 at 2:02 pm

    Oh my. Those two are awful and wonderful. Trump has definitely made the super-rich less than attractive, and their concern would, of course, top that of the window-washer with the cracked skull (add small huff here). And Trump is so gauche. Tark and Mara would be cringing if the accompanying facial expression didn’t lead to wrinkles. Looking forward to see what happens with these two and your blog, Tara. I’m glad to hear you’ve been writing up a storm. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    • November 2, 2017 at 8:49 pm

      I wouldn’t expect too much from these two, Diana, I’m afraid they are fundamentally lazy, however genius they are in their evil plots. I don’t think Trump has the genius, but I’m nonetheless comforted by the feeling that he has the laziness in any event…

      Liked by 1 person

  8. November 2, 2017 at 5:38 pm

    All I can say is if people are stupid enough to spend that much money on a handbag then they have reaped their rewards already. Glad Mand T are back, I think?

    Liked by 1 person

    • November 2, 2017 at 8:50 pm

      I’m glad someone is. I find them exhausting sometimes, but only when they’re thinking, speaking, or doing something. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  9. November 2, 2017 at 6:47 pm

    I have been wondering where the terrible twos have disappeared to. Good to have them back. Can’t wait to see what they have in mind for your blog!

    Liked by 2 people

    • November 2, 2017 at 8:51 pm

      Oh dear. Now I’m scared, Nick…If I have to keep coming out of my cave to make sure they haven’t brought about the end of the world as we know it I’ll get nothing done 😂

      Liked by 1 person

  10. November 2, 2017 at 9:37 pm

    I don’t think I ever told you, but I swear I saw Mara at the Venice Biennale this year. I stood there bouche béante as she stalked past trailing crimson silk à la Cruella de Vil. Boy did I enjoy this latest episode. I love the gilded fingernails (I mean real gold leaf!) and the pupils dilating like no other part of her body could.

    Liked by 2 people

    • November 3, 2017 at 11:55 am

      Oh I WISH you had a photo, Hilary! I’m sure it was Mara. I was accused once of making her up, but we both know that’s not true.

      (By the way I had to look up bouche béante…I absolutely love it and can’t wait to use it now like I knew all along 😉)

      Liked by 1 person

  11. November 3, 2017 at 12:50 pm

    Always enjoy these two.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: