5 Blog Posts I Didn’t Write This Week

And now, ladies and gentle man: in the grand old tradition of Lazy Summer Journalism, I present to you a list of potential blog posts I didn’t write this week, followed in some cases by a half-assed explanation for why I didn’t write them, and sometimes no explanation at all.

You’re welcome.

1. Why I’m Loving All These New Grip-Lit Book Covers (Same As The Old Covers)

5 Blog Posts I Didn't Write This Week

What is it with Girls and Trees?? Seriously?

Is it just me, or are book covers getting even more samey than before? Now that publishers are trying to squeeze the last pennies of profit from Grip-Lit – the genre du jour – petrified that this fashion will be over before their new collection is released to the wild, matchy-matchy book covers are rolling off the conveyor belt faster than you can say “the next Paula Hawkins”. They think I haven’t noticed. Sigh.

2. Tark And Mara Do Something Mildly Amusing

I know, I know. It’s been ages since I’ve written anything about Dublin’s favourite arseholes. A couple of posts were in the pipeline but got jammed in there somewhere, probably because Mara lapsed and ate an entire head of celery. When this dead, moist Irish summer is finished with me, I’ll flush them out. Actually, now that I’m thinking in pipe metaphors, Mara’s similarity to a pipe cleaner is striking, isn’t it? Although that’s more of a simile than a metaphor, so I’d better stop there.

5 Blog Posts I Didn't Write This Week

Mara – in next season’s hue

3. Why I’m Loving The Littlewoods Ireland Blog Awards 2016

Even I wouldn’t stoop so low as to write an entire post of shameless sucking-up in an effort to impress the judges of The Littlewoods Ireland Blog Awards, where I’m longlisted in 2 categories –Books & Literature Blog and Best Blog Post (for this rant about women’s fiction). No sir. There’s no way I would name the main sponsor of the Littlewoods Ireland Blog Awards 2016 as many times as I could fit into one post just because I was desperately trying to make the gargantuan leap from a scarily talented longlist (of the Littlewoods Ireland Blog Awards 2016) to the shortlist in either of the two categories I’m up for. Absolutely not. I would never do that. Littlewoods Ireland.

5 Blog Posts I Didn't Write This Week

4. Why It’s So Great Blogging During Holiday Months When Nobody’s Reading Blogs

The more eagle-eyed amongst you will have noticed that this post wasn’t released early this morning, as is my usual schtick. That’s because I hadn’t written it yet. It’s like December round here. Everyone is on holidays from the internet. My stats are down. Contrary to popular conspiracy theory, I am a human being, and as subject to the vagaries of online popularity as anyone else. It’s hard to get motivated when you’re the only one behind the desk.

5. My Last Blog Post: I’m Never Blogging Again Because I’ve Just Won The Lottery And I’m Moving Somewhere Tropical With Poor Wi-Fi

Yeah. There are literally millions of reasons I didn’t write this particular post, largely to do with the fact that even my online life is too full of reality sometimes. I really have to work on my sense of the fantastical.

5 Blog Posts I Didn't Write This Week

********************

So if there’s anybody out there – people in the southern hemisphere, perhaps – or other suckers like me drifting aimlessly through the silly season – what did you not write about this week? Tell me. Or else I’ll be forced to fight my listlessness with another listicle.

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  81 comments for “5 Blog Posts I Didn’t Write This Week

  1. August 4, 2016 at 12:10 pm

    Those book covers – they’re like Little Woods, aren’t they?

    Liked by 5 people

  2. August 4, 2016 at 12:35 pm

    Mara in turquoise is a sight for sore eyes (of the Oedipal kind). But I’m thinking she’s looking a bit paunchy in that pic. Maybe it’s water weight gain from that celery binge of hers.

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 4, 2016 at 12:48 pm

      Absolutely, Christine. It is rather fetching, isn’t it? I could never get away with that outfit. It’s such a pity she’s let herself go. You’re right. There is positive girth in some of those knots.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. August 4, 2016 at 1:02 pm

    I failed to write any part of my next book, the first draft of which is expected in JANUARY. I have entered myself into the long distance procrastination in the Olympics and I think my chances of Gold are high.

    Liked by 2 people

    • August 4, 2016 at 1:30 pm

      Oh dear, Liz. Much as I’d like to see you decorated with awards, I’m afraid with this one, you run the risk of angry hoardes of readers going all domestic noir on your backside if you don’t put out a new book sharpish. This isn’t a threat, you understand. Most categorically not a threat.

      Like

  4. August 4, 2016 at 1:28 pm

    Just been re-reading your rant and your mention of ‘upgrading’ reminded me of a conversation I overheard among a gang of young men.
    Tallest: ‘Neither of us wanted to go into the window seat.”
    CHORUS: ‘Why?’
    Tall: ‘Didn’t want to see out.’
    Tallest: ‘Air hostess came down to try and get us to sit down and stop clogging the aisle. I said to her: ‘Sure, if the plane goes down, it won’t matter where we were sitting.’
    Tall: ‘She told him to stop talking like that.’
    Tallest: ‘Yeah, and she upgraded us to First Class aisle seats.’
    CHORUS: ‘ So that’s how you get upgraded.’
    Me ( to self) : If you’re a tall young Fella!!).

    Anyway, good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 4, 2016 at 2:08 pm

      Thanks Jean. I need all the luck. All of it. I’d hide the luck from everyone else on those lists if I knew how to do it. I’ve never been a nice generous person so I’ve no plans to start now. Maybe I could join the Tall Fella brigade, they seem to be doing all right from what you’re saying!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. August 4, 2016 at 2:59 pm

    “Grip lit”…. love it! Hadn’t heard that particular phrase so I’m always impressed when you come up with these things. The matter of book covers is always one of interest to me, mostly because I’m either stunned at how truly awful they are (“did your five-year-old put that together with colored pencils??”) or how I’m apparently supposed to be drawn to a book by the sheer number of packs in the plane of a hairless man’s chest. I’ve never liked me hairless men, but clearly I’m in the minority! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 4, 2016 at 3:28 pm

      I don’t get that either, Lorraine. I like romance novels, but I don’t know who the hell they’re designing the covers for, because it certainly isn’t me. In fact I’d go so far as to say I hate romance covers, and they put me off buying them. The grip-lit ones I like, but it’s just a shame they’re all the bloody same. As for the term grip-lit, I’m afraid I can’t lay claim to that. It was apparently coined by Marian Keyes in a Guardian article she wrote a couple of years ago. It’s just a shinier term for a good old thriller, really.

      Like

      • August 4, 2016 at 4:24 pm

        I love your honesty. 🙂

        And yes, those covers turn me off too. I feel the pandering seeping out of each layer of chest oil. As for “grip lit,” I’m reading one now and completely agree with you about the sameness. I swear to God, when you’re a regular reader, the odds of finding something REALLY unique and noteworthy diminish in the glut. But like a good fisherman, I always plan on the next one being a great one!

        Liked by 1 person

  6. August 4, 2016 at 2:59 pm

    I failed to write anything new, Tara. I’ve used up my meager stockpile of blog posts. I’ve been in editing mode this summer (?) and my brain has turned to pudding. It’s a sad situation. Oh a brighter note, good luck with getting to the short list with Littlewoods!

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 4, 2016 at 3:29 pm

      Thanks, Diana. If I get to the next stage, I’ll have to start doing that really annoying begging for votes thing. I hate that more than I hate romance novel covers, but I try and console myself by repeating the mantra ‘it’s only once a year’. I hope your writing goes better. I haven’t written a word of fiction in weeks so I can’t talk.

      Liked by 1 person

      • August 4, 2016 at 3:49 pm

        It’s okay to beg on your blog since clearly anyone who witnesses your prostrations is one of your readers. 🙂 Much better than asking for someone to vote for a book they haven’t read (in my humble opinion).

        Liked by 2 people

  7. August 4, 2016 at 3:45 pm

    Well, I wrote a guest blog post yesterday beginning with ‘Teachers everywhere are crying this time of year’ so maybe it’s not as uplifting as I thought it would be. This is why I don’t blog. Too much like work. Love you Tara…

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 4, 2016 at 4:01 pm

      Oh, I don’t know, Victoria. That sounds right up my street, the sort of thing which would make me quite chirpy. It’s all down to who the reader is, at the end of the day. Also, complimenting me will pretty much get you any and everywhere with me. I have no shame at all. Love you too.

      Like

  8. August 4, 2016 at 4:32 pm

    I didn’t write about capybara poo again this week. (That makes 2,578.3 weeks in a row.)

    Incidentally, I was a slightly unclear about the point you made in your third paragraph. I caught a fleeting mention of the Littlewoods Ireland Blog Awards, but other than that…

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 4, 2016 at 4:48 pm

      I missed that myself, Bun, even as I wrote it. I might have to do a post on it in the future. Leave it with me. You can leave the capybaras too, if you like.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. August 4, 2016 at 6:14 pm

    I didn’t write about how having a character sing a song can help a playwright unleash that character’s voice when plain old dialogue just doesn’t cut it. (Though now I think about it, I might go and write it. Later, probably).

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 4, 2016 at 10:50 pm

      Later is my absolute favourite time to write things too, Colin. I highly recommend it.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. August 4, 2016 at 7:06 pm

    Truly inspiring. I’m thinking of entering the ‘Didn’t’ stakes. Or at least, the ‘Worst’ stakes. Stand by. (Okay, walk away. That’s better.)

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 4, 2016 at 10:56 pm

      Oh no, Melodie! If I’m more inspirational with the posts I don’t write, just think of all the other stuff I could achieve by doing nothing. This is going to require a lot of stationary thought, so I’ll take the stand by option for now, if you don’t mind.

      Like

  11. August 4, 2016 at 7:36 pm

    Ugh – don’t ask what I didn’t write… That list is too long and I haven’t got enough hours in the day. Am supposed to be prepping for the Discworld Convention at the end of the month (in Warwickshire – wave to me if you’re there – I’m the one with bright red hair in dubious charge of a hired mobility scooter…) but I haven’t got a lot of that done.
    Grip-lit – bleh! I had a waterfall on mine, although that did have some trees at the top, just not as big as the Victoria Falls – well they’d have to be bloody big ones… Hating cliche with cover design – as if there aren’t enough ‘me toos’ around without regurgitating the same concept the whole time. Isn’t August supposed to be the silly season – well there you are. All is forgiven!

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 4, 2016 at 10:58 pm

      Sadly I won’t be in Warwickshire Jan but what a fabulous convention that sounds! I have worshipped at the Pratchett altar on a frequent basis. I’m not forgiving anyone anything just because it’s August, by the way. As I harped on about before, the length of time it takes publishers to get a book out means they have no excuses when it comes to lazy covers…

      Liked by 1 person

  12. August 4, 2016 at 7:39 pm

    Ha! Didn’t read this until after posting about not posting about number 2 pencils earlier today. Yep. It’s that sad. I had a lovely post about cheeseburgers that I never got around to last week, too. And I admit, I’ve not been good about visiting through the blogosphere either. I justify that by assuming that if I have nothing to say, then probably no one else does, either. Thanks for letting me off the hook on that one. Good luck with that lottery post though. That sounds like a great one. I promise, if it works out, I’ll read it. I may even try my hand at a witty comment. Once summer is over.

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 4, 2016 at 10:59 pm

      I have to check out your post about not posting. Sounds like we were in the same frame of mind today. Or perhaps this month. Or season. I await your next witty comment with baited breath, and a pitchfork. No pressure, Sarah. No pressure at all. 😀

      Like

  13. August 4, 2016 at 8:15 pm

    I’m not writing about alien abductions. Of course, two hundred years ago, I wouldn’t have been taken by aliens, it would have been pixies or fairies. Life was much more fun before my meds, although Carol tells me this isn’t so.

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 4, 2016 at 11:04 pm

      Don’t mind Carol, Phillip. You’re just on the wrong meds. I know a pixie who can get you the right ones. They’re out of this world. Honest.

      Like

      • August 5, 2016 at 9:35 pm

        I dream of mushrooms, sauteed with steak, seasoned with green leaves. The kind you might bake in brownies.

        Liked by 1 person

        • August 5, 2016 at 10:06 pm

          That and some bonus long-life yoghurt on its merry way to you now.

          Like

  14. August 4, 2016 at 9:10 pm

    I haven’t written anything for yonks. In the past I used to be able to conjure up something, but my writing at the moment just seems to have drie…

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 4, 2016 at 11:26 pm

      …Driek van Wissen’s talent for light verse? There are worse people to emulate than a former Poet Laureate of the Netherlands, Chris. Don’t dismiss your rhyming schemes so flippantly.

      Like

  15. August 4, 2016 at 11:37 pm

    I announced a blogging break and then went and blogged twice so now I’m blogging about how blogging isn’t real blogging when its a prompt thing and why won’t people leave me alone. So that’s what I’m not writing about. Blogging. Because I’m not, yet. And when people stop I can start thinking about not blogging.

    Liked by 2 people

    • August 5, 2016 at 8:48 am

      That is the absolute best sort of blogging, Geoff. I call it Schroedinger’s Blogging. And so does the cat I don’t have.

      Liked by 1 person

  16. weebluebirdie
    August 5, 2016 at 11:42 am

    I knew there was something up. Had no idea there was a Thing called grip-lit until I googles it. Gawd it’s put me write (sic) off my sin-lit I’ve been doing (that’s my invention for sinister literature. Obviously a very loose terminology since the ‘literature’ is rarely more than 100 words.)

    I confess I was duly page turning Gone Girl in rapid fashion until it all got too convenient for the protagonist. In fact, that’s my latest gripe against fiction. Aha! A post perchance….

    Liked by 2 people

    • August 5, 2016 at 11:59 am

      Sin-lit does rather suggest something else, Birdie, which depending on your reader, might overpromise and underdeliver, or perhaps underpromise and overdeliver, taking religious politics into consideration. I foresee at least 5 posts on the subject. You can have them on my desk by immediately.

      Liked by 1 person

      • weebluebirdie
        August 5, 2016 at 12:04 pm

        Well, yes there is that perspective. Perhaps depending on one’s country or craving for the salacious. It’s best to expect underdelivery when you come by my gaff – it avoids disappointment!

        Liked by 1 person

        • August 5, 2016 at 12:10 pm

          I like to both underpromise and underdeliver. It’s all in the name of equality.

          Liked by 1 person

  17. August 5, 2016 at 2:43 pm

    This is a very impressive blog post for a blog post that isn’t a blog post. Most grip-lit has left me sadly disappointed. Don’t get me started on Gone Girl…
    I do miss Tark and Mara, it’s always nice to have an insight into how the other half live. And I hugely appreciate the tips on how to get on to the Littlewoods Blog Awards shortlist. (Did that help?) I’m off to flood social media with mentions and completely rewrite my next blog post.

    Liked by 3 people

    • August 5, 2016 at 3:06 pm

      I’ll have to let you know on the competition strategy front, Donna. The judges are largely other bloggers, so it might backfire on me and get me booted out of the competition entirely!

      Liked by 1 person

    • weebluebirdie
      August 5, 2016 at 3:43 pm

      How long did you last in Gone Girl before you flung it across the room???

      Liked by 2 people

      • August 5, 2016 at 3:56 pm

        I reckon this would make a great slot on a celebrity gameshow, Birdie. Guess the point in the book when it was flung across the room. I know where my money’s on. Although don’t shoot me – I appear to be one of the few who quite liked the ending.

        Liked by 2 people

        • August 5, 2016 at 4:01 pm

          I didn’t actually mind the ending. I do like a non-happy ever after. I know, I’m a bit weird.

          Liked by 1 person

        • weebluebirdie
          August 5, 2016 at 4:25 pm

          I was mildly peeved when she got away from the baddies at the log cabin and she got the money. I got really hacked off when she killed the bloke who had a crush on her – especially the preamble up to it. Most of all I grudged how it read like the movie rights were already bought up.

          The latest book which has annoyed me is William Boyd’s latest, Sweet Caress and the protagonist’s ability to be passing by every photo opportunity. Before that it was The 100 Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared. I’m surprised those two didn’t into each other. Clearly that’s a new lit genre waiting to happen.

          Liked by 1 person

          • August 5, 2016 at 9:19 pm

            Wait, did we read the same book or a different edition?! I thought she didn’t get the money, which was why she ended up at Psychoboy Manor! It’s a few years since I read it, but I didn’t think my memory was THAT bad…

            Liked by 1 person

            • weebluebirdie
              August 7, 2016 at 2:47 pm

              Oh shit. Do I have to read the book again to find out? There was definitely something about that bit with the Baddie Couple that annoyed me. Thank goodness I put the book at the back of the high shelf and I can’t reach it even if I wanted to.

              Liked by 1 person

              • August 7, 2016 at 4:14 pm

                No, you most certainly don’t have to read it again. We could always just assume that I’m right because it suits me to believe as such. Unfortunately, I left my copy behind on a sun holiday because the spine had actually melted in the heat, but I can confirm that I was also very annoyed with the Baddie Couple, but I think it was because they were generally annoying.

                Liked by 1 person

      • August 5, 2016 at 3:59 pm

        I did actually finish it because I hated leaving books unfinished (I’ve since become more selective). I wanted to throw it out the window when I realised what the twist was meant to be. I didn’t think it was a twist, I thought it was glaringly obvious. Once the story went back to Amy I lost all interest. And I thought it was badly written.
        Phew! That’s a load off my chest

        Liked by 2 people

  18. August 5, 2016 at 10:06 pm

    So many posts, so little time to actually write them. Plus there’s this book thingy I’m trying to finish editing. And school holidays. Plus the whole fluctuating stats thing. Eh. I’m sure there will be posts I won’t write next week either. I really like all the ones you didn’t write, too. Littlewoods Ireland! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 7, 2016 at 3:25 pm

      Sorry, who? Oh, Littlewoods Ireland. I thought you said Little Woods Ire Land. Yep, Helen, I’ve been ignoring my other writing too and I can’t help but feel that the blog has to suffer at some point…

      Liked by 1 person

      • August 7, 2016 at 8:24 pm

        And my getting across to other people’s blogs is going to suffer as well…

        Liked by 1 person

  19. August 6, 2016 at 5:29 am

    The post you didn’t write on the sameness of covers can hold to another day?

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 7, 2016 at 3:27 pm

      I think that post snuck into this one without me noticing, BookerTalk. Sneaky little bugger, eh? I had no intention of writing it, and yet there it is, complete with illustration!

      Liked by 1 person

  20. August 7, 2016 at 9:14 pm

    I can bet you that I’m the only one that looked through the images above in excitement as to what I did/didn’t have on my kindle. And thanks for the reminder on that em, the, em … now what was it called again? The Irish blogylimpics, was it?

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 7, 2016 at 11:24 pm

      I’m not sure Bernadette, I’ve totally forgotten. Not to mention that if I don’t make the shortlist this year I’m quite sure I’ll claim I never knew in the first place 😉

      As for the books, can you believe they’re all new releases? I didn’t even have to go far back to compile that image. It’s rather a glut.

      Like

      • August 11, 2016 at 10:05 pm

        So, 2015 girls/trains, 2016 trees/girls with trees/ walking away/ toward trees … can you predict 2017? Then we could try to write a book around it and go get a good cover designer to throw something together?

        Liked by 1 person

        • August 11, 2016 at 11:15 pm

          Hmmm. I’m seeing a pattern here. Trains to trees. Trains need rails, trees need roots. Ts followed by Rs and then more Rs. So if we concatenate that in order to produce a formula, using the images as a matrix for future templates, by my calculation, the big trend in 2017 will be……….. (drum roll please)….. either Traps or Trailers.

          Yes. Girls with dainty ankles caught in rabbit snares, or living in trailer parks. It’s all there, you can’t deny it, because it’s science, and incontrovertibly proven. We’re gonna be rich. RICH, I TELL YOU.

          Like

  21. August 8, 2016 at 5:34 pm

    I haven’t posted the next blog piece although written some week ago as I’ve been too busy. Everyone else may be on their hols, but memories of mine are rapidly fading and I’m actively thinking and dreaming of the next, whenever that might be. Involved with a project being pursued by number two son has kept mind and hands busy and saved me fretting overmuch at the wet and windy summer. As for the book covers, don’t know whether to scream that mine is not similar or laugh because it’s different.

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 8, 2016 at 11:15 pm

      I wouldn’t worry about the book covers, Dorothy. Unless I were working in marketing for one of the publishing houses involved. Then I should worry for my job, a lot.

      Like

  22. August 9, 2016 at 12:45 am

    Only you could write a post about not writing posts, and get away with it, Tara… how do you do that??? I have been really rebellious this week and not written a Monday Marvellous Myth post, as I am too busy soaking up the sun on the beaches of Kerry… no really, it’s warm and sunny, though the sea would freeze the bejaysus outa yez! So, as for Tark and Mara , I distinctly remember chiding you over their long absence on at least one occasion; I miss them. So stop not writing posts, and bring em on!

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 9, 2016 at 2:12 pm

      I hope it’s still warm and sunny out west, Ali, because it’s turned sneakily cold here in the east today. I’ll have a chat with Tark and Mara, and see if they’re as lethargic as their no. 1 slave (me).

      Liked by 1 person

      • August 9, 2016 at 10:35 pm

        Sunny but cold. Do you think you could coax Tark and Mara from their yacht to update us plebs?

        Liked by 1 person

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