Uh-Oh. There Goes Dignity Again. VOTE FOR MY PANTS

Vote Books & Literature

Vote – Books & Literature

Vote Best Blog Post

Vote – Best Blog Post










I am obliged to apologise in advance for the next seven days of hell. Because I have been shortlisted in two categories for the Littlewoods Ireland Blog Awards 2016, and this is not good (for you).

I know that some of the some of you come here expecting to be entertained. Others just come to find out what I’m giving out about this week. Some of you come here because of click-baity post titles, only to find out that I’ve basically lured you here under false pretences, and I do not in fact have shocking pictures of Donald Trump sitting on the toilet, applying panstick with a tortilla, starkers save for his nuclear-white collar.

The “But” Part (as opposed to the “butt” implied in the title)

You don’t expect to be harassed. You don’t expect to have to hear repetitive whiny nonsense for seven days straight, begging you to (digitally) go somewhere and do something, from someone who ordinarily aims for the unexpected.

However, the pain is not all on your side. You have no idea what it costs for an Irish cynic to debase herself like this. My brow is sweating as I type. My arms feel scaly. My left eye is twitching, and my tongue is trying to convince me that alcohol is a perfectly acceptable breakfast drink.

Embed from Getty Images

Why Am I Doing This To Myself

I’m not known for soft spots, but I have one for these awards, not only because winning one back in 2014 was a fecking lovely thing which was so good for the blog it almost made me a nice person, but also because any year I make it to the latter stages I never fail to meet new readers and bloggers whose sense of humour shares the same cell block as my own.

This year, there’s a new category for Books & Literature, which is brilliant, because the Arts & Culture category last year was more packed than the Sardines ❤ One Direction 4Ever Fan Club bus. I’ve also been shortlisted in the Best Blog Post category for my bilious takedown of Women’s Fiction.

The Butt Part

I explained in short(s) last week why I bought the blog new pants. But now that I have, and I’ve also drawn this out enough to pretend it’s an actual blog post, would you mind going and voting for me? Pleeeeeeeease?

All you have to do is register with a name and e-mail address to create an account (as you’re only allowed to vote once in each category). The links will bring you directly to the voting button for this blog.

Voting is only open from today for 7 days. But hey. It’s so easy Donald Trump could do it. It’s true. I’m 100% certain of this. And that’s a fact.


Vote for me in the Books & Literature Category here

Vote for me in the Best Blog Post Category here

  78 comments for “Uh-Oh. There Goes Dignity Again. VOTE FOR MY PANTS

  1. August 17, 2016 at 12:02 pm

    This is fabulous news! Congratulations, I wish you all the best with it 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 17, 2016 at 12:08 pm

      Oddly, even I wish me all the best with it, PorterGirl. And that’s saying something.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. August 17, 2016 at 12:02 pm

    I’ve voted!

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 17, 2016 at 12:10 pm

      You’re my favourite, Stevie. Now, just to say, you might see me later tell someone else – another voter, let’s say – that they’re my favourite. But don’t you mind that. What’s important right now is that I’m saying this right now. Right?

      Liked by 1 person

      • August 17, 2016 at 12:55 pm

        I don’t mind? You bet your blog’s new pants I’d mind! I’m your favourite and that’s how it must stay…

        Liked by 1 person

        • August 17, 2016 at 2:28 pm

          Well, obviously, Stevie. Although being so close to the situation, I couldn’t possibly comment objectively.

          Liked by 1 person

  3. Ali Isaac
    August 17, 2016 at 12:04 pm

    Done! Good luck! Im afraid I wrote a whiny post asking for votes too. Whats a blogger to blogging well do?

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 17, 2016 at 12:11 pm

      It’s disgusting, Ali. It’s a wonder anyone blogs in this country at all, given the amount of skin-crawling self-promotion involved. Still, do you know what’s not disgusting? Being able to vote for you in the Arts & Culture category because we’re not competing against one another! That’s fecking awesome!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Ali Isaac
        August 17, 2016 at 12:32 pm

        Ah but I’d still have voted for you even if we were competing. Arts and Culture is one of the biggest categories. I wont be able to stop making myself ill with despair by visiting all the other fabulous blogs Im up against. I know I shouldn’t, but I won’t be able to resist… I’m way too nosy!

        Liked by 1 person

        • August 17, 2016 at 12:45 pm

          See? No matter what happens in life, or in blog award judging, some things are true and constant, such as Ali Isaac being a generous and thoroughly lovely person, and Tara Sparling being, well, not. I do like a bit of stability amid the chaos.
          Although visiting one’s competitors is only to be recommended. You always find something you would have hated to miss otherwise.

          Liked by 1 person

          • Ali Isaac
            August 17, 2016 at 12:51 pm

            That is very true. About the blogs you dont want to miss. Not the other stuff though. 😊

            Liked by 1 person

  4. weebluebirdie
    August 17, 2016 at 12:19 pm

    Well, seeing as it’s yourself doing the asking, I’ll pop over and vote. I’m all for a bit of debasing of oneself in a blog- I may just have revealed too much in my own….

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 17, 2016 at 12:28 pm

      As long as we keep our clothes on, I reckon pretty much everything goes, Birdie. Thank you 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      • weebluebirdie
        August 17, 2016 at 12:39 pm

        Well, given that my gravatar isn’t even a photo of me, I think it’s quite likely that I can keep my clothes on 🙂


        • August 17, 2016 at 12:43 pm

          Fair enough, Birdie. All the same, I’m going to keep an eye out for moulting.

          Liked by 1 person

  5. August 17, 2016 at 12:26 pm

    Congratulations on the nominations, Tara! Voted already (for you, in case you were wondering) 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 17, 2016 at 12:29 pm

      Phew. You had me wondering for a minute there, Helen. Still, reckon that’s a decent excuse for another G+T.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. August 17, 2016 at 12:32 pm

    Done! Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. August 17, 2016 at 1:32 pm

    I’m not sure Donald would be able to handle it, Tara. I’ve heard he has a very short attention span, capable of maintaining focus only if he can vote for himself. He’s the best blogger in the world, you know. He’s that great. He would win every category of every blog award because blogland loves him. He’s huge! But since Donald doesn’t actually have a blog, I’ll vote for you as my second choice. 🙂

    Honestly? Good luck. Well-deserved for a great blog! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 17, 2016 at 2:30 pm

      How do you know Donald doesn’t have a blog? He could be blogging right now, and getting the New York Times to pay for it. Such sweeping statements could come back to haunt you. But in the meantime, I’ll take your vote and count it twice. Ta very much.

      Liked by 1 person

      • August 17, 2016 at 4:11 pm

        If he does, someone else is writing it. He couldn’t possibly manage a blog, let alone manage a country!

        Liked by 1 person

  8. August 17, 2016 at 2:38 pm

    Done! In both categories, too. I was also able to vote for Ali, as she was in a different category. Yay!

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 17, 2016 at 3:43 pm

      Ali and I did that on purpose, Nick. We had a long discussion about the anguish we might otherwise cause to such people as Nicholas C. Rossis, Richard E. Grant, and George R.R. Martin, and so we decided to divvy up the categories. Thank you and you’re welcome.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. August 17, 2016 at 2:38 pm

    The best of Canadian luck, Tara. I registered and voted in both categories. And thank you for visiting my blog. I think I have three followers. So, if there’s a contest for the smallest blog I will be asking for your vote.

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 17, 2016 at 3:59 pm

      Done deal, Veronica, and thank you a million times over. It’s a big ask for people to have to register to do this, but those of us who don’t have 3,000 Facebook friends we’ve never heard of are very grateful for a secure voting system!


  10. August 17, 2016 at 3:57 pm

    I have more than happily registered a vote in each category. You know what I think of you and your blogs and your writing and your funny stuff and your pith and your witticisms and wisdoms and sass and snark and….

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 17, 2016 at 4:24 pm

      Yes, Lorraine, but I’m glad you voted for me anyway. Someone will take advantage of that kindness some day, you know.


  11. August 17, 2016 at 4:27 pm

    You so funny! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  12. August 17, 2016 at 4:29 pm

    Oh, go on, go on, go on… Going there now! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  13. August 17, 2016 at 5:53 pm

    I voted. Do I win a prize or something? 🙂


    • August 17, 2016 at 8:53 pm

      You do indeed, Andrew, and thank you. You win a month’s free subscription to this blog. (Those who don’t vote get 6 months. In a different cell block.)

      Liked by 1 person

  14. August 17, 2016 at 5:57 pm

    Good woman! Votes cast.
    You’re lucky my Stanny wasn’t shortlisted in Best Post cos I’d have to have given him the nod. Instead it’s yours and he’ll have to get an extra cuddle.


    • August 17, 2016 at 8:56 pm

      If your Stanny was shortlisted in Best Post I would have had to vote for him myself, Jean. Who could resist those eyes? I know it would have been so hard to keep him from his adoring public once I’d kidnapped him. Sorry. Did I just say that out loud?! Good job you already voted…

      Liked by 1 person

      • August 17, 2016 at 10:02 pm

        Puppy Stan is bursting to get his paws on here to vote for you now. Wonder how he’ll get on with that!!
        All the very best.

        Liked by 1 person

  15. August 17, 2016 at 6:58 pm

    Yay, yay, and thrice yay. Ah, gwan.. here’s another.. yay.

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 17, 2016 at 8:58 pm

      Now I feel like I have to say nay, nay, nay, for balance, like. Blogdammit, Tenderlation, my campaign is in tatters. Thanks, though.

      Liked by 1 person

  16. August 17, 2016 at 7:04 pm

    Well done, Tara, I’ve just voted for you – Ali Isaac shared it on facebook. Thank goodness you were both in different categories so I could vote for both of you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 17, 2016 at 8:59 pm

      I felt the same, Jean! Ali’s so nice she threatened to vote for me anyway. But she had my vote too. All this positivity is giving me a headache. Or possibly a blog post. I’ll have to wait to see how that pans out 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  17. August 17, 2016 at 7:41 pm

    I voted. But I feel slightly fraudulent because I don’t live in Ireland, have no Irish heritage and if I’m brutally honest, the Irishness of your blog is not why I visit. I mean it’s irrelevant. I’m not anti-Irish or anything. I do recall my mum used to have the Littlewoods catalogue when I was a child. I wonder if I qualify to vote on that basis. It matters not. The deed is done and no-one checked my credentials at the door.

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 17, 2016 at 9:03 pm

      That’s the beauty of these blog awards, James. Although you’re supposed to be Irish as an entrant, anyone can vote, from our overseas readers to the family members who no longer speak to us to the 9,600 bestest buds on Instagram we’ve never met to the 2,000 Facebook Friends who have no idea who we are and therefore took us out of their news feeds 3 years ago. It’s an equal opportunities vote grab. Having said that, your Littlewoods catalogue credentials should surely qualify you for a special mention. A new catalogue, even. I’ll see what I can do.

      Liked by 1 person

      • August 17, 2016 at 9:06 pm

        If you can get a copy of Autumn/Winter 1983, I’d definitely be interested…

        Liked by 1 person

        • August 17, 2016 at 9:09 pm

          I’m not going to ask why, James. Mainly because the reasons currently percolating in my head could keep me entertained for hours.

          Liked by 1 person

  18. August 17, 2016 at 8:22 pm

    Done and done! Congratulations on making the shortlist and the best of luck, Tara!

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 17, 2016 at 9:05 pm

      Thanks, Bernadette! Each year, it gets easier and easier to tear every shred of pride from my blackened soul and ask for votes….. actually, that’s a lie. Which means I appreciate the votes EVEN MORE.


  19. August 17, 2016 at 8:36 pm

    God, I’m such a good girl, I’ve done that!

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 17, 2016 at 9:06 pm

      You are that, Hilary. In fact, you’re also my favourite. 😉


  20. August 17, 2016 at 11:43 pm

    Done! Good luck!

    On Wed, Aug 17, 2016 at 5:54 AM, Tara Sparling writes wrote:

    > Tara Sparling posted: ” I am obliged to apologise in > advance for the next seven days of hell. Because I have been shortlisted in > two categories for the Littlewoods Ireland Blog Awar” >

    Liked by 1 person

  21. August 17, 2016 at 11:54 pm

    I’ve registered and voted for you in both categories, Tara. Of course I love your blog so the only thing I’m sad about is that I can only vote once. 😦
    Thanks for a great blog. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  22. August 18, 2016 at 3:46 am

    Congratulations on your nominations. Like Trump claims, I voted as much as I could.

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 18, 2016 at 8:54 am

      As long as we don’t get caught, Stanley, it’s gonna be Yuuuge. Thank you!


  23. August 18, 2016 at 8:29 pm

    YAY! you are sure to be a WINNER

    Liked by 1 person

  24. August 18, 2016 at 10:48 pm

    If I ever get shortlisted for anything I’m just going to ask for the money instead of a vote.

    I voted for you in each category and I expect a mention in your acceptance speech when you win. (How can you not win? You’re more famous than Bono these days.)

    Liked by 1 person

  25. August 19, 2016 at 2:38 am

    I done it. And it only costs 2 thangs: 1. Don’t ever post Donald Trump on or in the loo. And B, Ifor I ever get to Dublin (which I might) I buy you ( and perhaps Tark if he exists or is interested) a beverage of your choice. As I am perusing Ancestry.com, we might even be cousins. Or something.

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 19, 2016 at 10:45 am

      Okay, Victoria, agreed. I will never post that image I have of yer man on the loo. My lawyers agree with you, incidentally. And one your second point, having cast your vote, it’s me who owes you the drink! Good luck with the Irish cousins. I hope you find some who weren’t sheep rustlers or musically challenged prizefighters.


  26. August 21, 2016 at 10:18 am

    Just the two, Tara? Slacker…


    Liked by 1 person

    • August 21, 2016 at 10:39 am

      I can only do my best, Graeme. And apparently one of the judges couldn’t be bought.

      Liked by 1 person

  27. August 23, 2016 at 1:31 pm

    Okay, okay. I voted. And I only waited six days to do it. Phew.

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 23, 2016 at 1:54 pm

      Thank goodness for that, Sarah. I’ll call off the tail I had on you. They were costing me a fortune anyway 😉

      Liked by 1 person

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