A London hedge fund is going to pay authors to write full-time without the distraction of having to take other paid employment. Is it April Fool’s Day, or is there more money in publishing than we thought? As usual, I will attempt to answer none of these questions.
This week, I set out to enquire what drives people to write really nasty reviews. Not only did I find the answer, but I also found out that I was the culprit (and so are you). In an attempt to soften this shocking revelation I have turned this life lesson into unmissable advice for authors and internet users. Just call me Dr. Spin-ling.
In the latest of my thoroughly successful series to become a top money-earning blogger, I have turned myself into an inspirational Fitness Expert. Let my real diet be no reason to be sceptical of my frankly dubious claims! Let my true exercise routine be no reason not to buy the stuff I say you should buy! And let my actual body shape be no barrier to your willingness to follow my inexpert advice!
Following unprecedented success in the world of beauty blogging, I have decided to venture forth into the Spangley Sparkleworld of Lifestyle Blogging, beginning with amazing home decorating tips which are more truthful than an ingestible lie detector; more insightful than a stoned Jedi master, and only slightly less patronising than a kale-munching 26-year-old in a tech start-up.
I’ve lost count of the number of times literally nobody has said to me, “what’s it like to be a really successful blogger?” The internet is alive with talk of how to make serious money from blogging, so it’s time to throw my hat into the Ring of Mind-Boggling Success and go where the money is. It’s on your face, by the way. Or at least it will be, by the time I’ve finished with it.
If you want to determine the state of humanity, just look at popular fiction, because we’re reading the opposite of what we’re living. Right now the people demand uplifting tales of generosity, kindness, and collaborative triumph over adversity. With that in mind, I’m predicting what we’ll be reading next, linked to whichever fresh disaster befalls the world this week. You’re welcome.