In the latest of my thoroughly successful series to become a top money-earning blogger, I have turned myself into an inspirational Fitness Expert. Let my real diet be no reason to be sceptical of my frankly dubious claims! Let my true exercise routine be no reason not to buy the stuff I say you should buy! And let my actual body shape be no barrier to your willingness to follow my inexpert advice!
Following unprecedented success in the world of beauty blogging, I have decided to venture forth into the Spangley Sparkleworld of Lifestyle Blogging, beginning with amazing home decorating tips which are more truthful than an ingestible lie detector; more insightful than a stoned Jedi master, and only slightly less patronising than a kale-munching 26-year-old in a tech start-up.
I’ve lost count of the number of times literally nobody has said to me, “what’s it like to be a really successful blogger?” The internet is alive with talk of how to make serious money from blogging, so it’s time to throw my hat into the Ring of Mind-Boggling Success and go where the money is. It’s on your face, by the way. Or at least it will be, by the time I’ve finished with it.
If you want to determine the state of humanity, just look at popular fiction, because we’re reading the opposite of what we’re living. Right now the people demand uplifting tales of generosity, kindness, and collaborative triumph over adversity. With that in mind, I’m predicting what we’ll be reading next, linked to whichever fresh disaster befalls the world this week. You’re welcome.
On what felt like the first and long-awaited spring day of the year, I think about how the things we do in this season could also be applied to fiction that’s been in hibernation for any period of time.
(And if anyone dares to make a comment about how writing a blog post about something instead of actually doing it is the ultimate procrastination, I will sic Tark and Mara on you.)
By this time we know why we should never live with one of the great fictional stereotypes: it’ll never end well. But publishing is changing, and the genre mash-up has already gained some ground. So what happens when genres collide? What would happen if a hard-nosed Cop from a Crime Novel shared a house with a hapless Chick-Lit Heroine?
It snowed a lot in Ireland this week, and nobody could talk about anything else. It’s very difficult to argue about snow, and a major weather event tends to bring people together. Thankfully, though, there’s always somebody online having a book-related brawl, just in case we’re ever in danger of getting too complacent about humanity.